An Exercise in Trusting Myself

My life has been a crazy, wonderful mess lately. I am in the process of a divorce that has been heartbreaking, liberating, and strangely sweet and loving. After being accepted to my favorite University I made the decision to drop my classes the semester in exchange for the opportunity to go on a three month trip to Europe this summer. In the meantime I have become an apprentice at a new (legal) craft distillery. If someone had asked me six months ago what my life would look like right now, none of these things would have even been a blip on my radar.

Everything is different, and unknown, and beautiful. I am scared sometimes and very sad at others. Nothing has gone as planned, but who is to say my plan was even a good one? My plans were made in unhealthy places. My plans were made out of fear and a desperate need to control my world. Who says I need a plan at all. I have no idea where my life is going to lead, but maybe that's the point... Maybe the point is to get out of your own way. I don't want to block any experience, encounter, relationship, or opportunity because I am distracted by my own small, worried ideas.

My theme for 2015 is Trust Myself. This is a completely new and foreign idea for me, but I am determined to live this year trusting my Higher Self. Trusting that still, small voice inside that whispers my own, authentic truth. Trying to model my life after what I think other's want, expect, or demand of me has been a shit-show so far; it's time to try something different. It's time to trust that I have everything I need inside myself. No person, place, job, thing, or experience can fill me up. I am not broken.

I am scared, but willing.