This past year has especially highlighted my self-sabotaging behavior and actually enabled me to recognize recurring patterns and beliefs to support my wallowing in dissatisfaction and constant feelings of failure. That sounds dramatic. I'm a bit dramatic, secretly, on the inside. Don't tell anyone.
I stumbled upon an article this week in the February 2014 issue of O Magazine titled "May We Help You?: I Know I Shouldn't, But..." and low and behold, it's all about recognizing ways that we self-sabotage and prevent ourselves from breaking the bad habits we have, no matter how focused and determined we are to create better habits and happiness in our lives. Insert: light shining down from heaven on this perfectly timed and placed article!
The article describes an experiment conducted by Canadian psychologist and professor Bruce Alexander who was studying the extremely addictive capabilities of heroin and other drugs. Like many other scientific studies, rats were frequently used to observe the effects of drugs, and the poor little rats were not immune to the devastating addictive behavior associated with heroin, routinely choosing opiate laced water over plain water in previous studies.
Then, Bruce Alexander noticed something that no one else had stopped to consider: maybe, the rats (who in all previous studies were in isolated cages) were lonely. Maybe the drugs were a distraction from this loneliness and environment that was so inadequate in fulfilling a rat's natural needs. Genius, in my opinion!
So, Alexander and his colleagues created what they called Rat Park -- a clean, large enclosure with plenty of fresh wood-shavings and other rats to interact with -- and provided a choice sugar water laced with morphine or plain water. Surprisingly (or not, perhaps) the majority of these rats chose the plain water!
This leads to a few fun questions: Are you living in an isolated cage of your own design? If so, what would be your equivalent of Rat Park? How can you create your own Rat Park?
Lucky for me (and you hopefully) Martha Beck, the author of this wonderful little article, has an exercise to help answer those questions (and more).
- Step One: Figure Out What's Really Going On
- You will need about thirty minutes, something to record your thoughts (pen, paper, computer, tablet, etc.), and a quiet space
- List everything you plan to do tomorrow, and I mean everything: wake up, pee, brush teeth, make breakfast, world peace, dinner before six, early bedtime...
- Now, think about that habit you can't seem to kick: overeating, overspending, staying up too late, nagging your significant other, not exercising, vegging out watching TV or on the internet...
- I bet you're feeling a bit tense and stressed, that's ok. Take a deep breath and stay with me here
- Now read your list over again. Visualize yourself doing each activity and notice how strongly you feel the need to engage in the bad habit or self-sabotaging behavior.
- Rate each activity from 0-10: 0 meaning you don't feel the urge to engage in the bad habit and 10 meaning you feel overwhelmingly compelled to run headfirst into that habit
- Step Two: Release Yourself from the Cage
- Congratulations! You have successfully identified some of your self-sabotaging triggers!
- Now, apply these three questions to each of the triggers on your list:
- In a perfect life, would I do this at all?
- If yes, what would I change to make it more enjoyable?
- If no, what would I rather do instead
- Let's get weird with this! Really dream big. The answers to these questions are not some binding contract you are making with yourself. Really give yourself time to explore what gets you excited about life, without stuffing yourself into that isolate cage we talked about earlier.
- Step Three: Build Your Rat Park
- Almost done -- well, sort of. Now it's time to start taking action. Not to fear! We are going to make teeny tiny changes until each dream we came up with in step two comes into focus and creates the foundation for our very own Rat Park!
- Break each dream down into bite-size changes that don't feel so scary, i.e.: instead of quitting your soul-sucking job right off the bat, see if you can do more work from home (or just away from the office), commit to waking up five minutes earlier in the morning each week until you have enough time to start an exercise routine, meditation or yoga practice, or just pack your lunch in the morning.
I am actually super excited about this because, let's face it, I'm a nerd that loves homework. I love lists, systems, programs, order. They make me feel official and grown-up. So this is my homework tonight. I will make my list and rate it and share the results tomorrow.
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