If there is anything I hate in this world it is probably a blank page. I always wanted to be bursting at the seams with creativity. Overflowing with life-changing creations. Making something new and beautiful. Unfortunately, blank white space nearly sends me into a full-fledged panic. Naturally, I have avoided creating anything. Ever.
I used to draw, paint, write poetry and songs, spend hours on an old keyboard or strumming on an acoustic guitar I didn't know how to tune, take pictures... but somewhere in my late teens it all came to a halting stop. Somewhere this fear developed. My ideas were unworthy of expression. I subscribed to a belief that there is a "right" way to be creative. A "right" kind of beauty. I devalued myself, my ideas of beauty, love, and everything else. I lost myself before ever giving myself the opportunity to find who I am, what I want, love, find beautiful.
So, here we are in this little corner of the internet. Due to some very difficult years, sprinkled with terrible choices, small glimpses of happiness, and long stretches of disconnection and overwhelming sadness, I am at a crossroads. I can choose to keep doing the same things I've been doing or I can choose to seek progress by being honest in all things. I am choosing honesty because the fog I have been living is choking any chance at happiness.
In sharing my journey in attempting to find myself, explore my beliefs, and learn to express my idea of beauty I hope to help anyone who stumbles on this blog know they are not alone. Maybe we can learn how to navigate this world together in a more honest, loving, and open way.
I believe that we can all find happiness. We can all question our beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves. Most importantly, I believe we are never alone and that sharing our pain, insecurities, mistakes, and trials is the only way to rid ourselves of shame. To shine light on the darkness that surrounds us, and feels so real and thick that we might drown. In spite of the struggles I am going through at this stage in my life, I am optimistic and I hope that this blog will help to keep that optimism burning and be a place to document progress without expectations of perfection.
